Saturday, 15 March 2008

A bitter laugh.

My last day in the army, i remember everybody was trying to steal the cloths or any equipment really, I started cutting all my military clothes in tiny stripes and I went on like a madman, unaware of anything else, I was in fact the last of my group to leave the barrack, i returned , compared to the other , a heavy baggage, they were surprised, they were thinking: we'll steal this loser's stuff, they were up for a surprise.

As I left the barrack, i fell on the ground outside and i kissed.
I had been to no war, in no way my life had been in danger, but i had just lost one fucking year of my life. I had learned nothing but i had nearly lost my mind; i saw people jumping out windows, i actually did; i saw someone who had cut their veins; someone in my own room broke one of his fingers to get xmas holidays. he actually did.
i discovered that inside the military, it's like mussolini had never died. in those days i think there was no officer who wasn't fascist, nostalgic, and admirer of mussolini, a collector of memorabilia.
i still remember that night, up on my tower, alone, cold, tired, nearly asleep, when i heard someone moving in the grass nearby, i knew it was the lieutenant, but i had had enough, so i still remember i started shouting: "so you wanna fuck with me , you bastard loser? I am gonna fuck you instead". I loaded the shotgun, and in the silence of the forest the noise of the magazine being loaded, 6 shots, echoed through trees and bushes. I loaded the first bullet, that was when the stupid fuck

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